This past week or two has been one of anniversaries for me, a time for reflection on what I was doing x number of years ago: 7 years since I met my husband; 3 years since I was in Australia competing at the World Masters Athletics Championships, 2.5 years since I got married; 2 years since I was into the third trimester of pregnancy, excited about our new arrival; and this time last year I was comparing my “9 months in and 9 months out” pictures of my bump vs my baby! A lot of big life events, plenty of highs and lows over the years, and a very different lifestyle now to the one I had 7 years ago. Starting a family changes life as you know it forever and even if you appreciate that and anticipate change, you have no idea until it hits!
Having a baby is supposed to be one of the happiest times of your life. The media bombards us with images and videos of warm, happy family scenes and many people describe the birth of their child as the best day of their lives. But for many, that’s such an unrealistic picture of parenthood and what lies beyond pregnancy. It's a picture that sets unrealistic expectations in the minds of many, even those who are braced for change and the unexpected! While the arrival of our daughter was a wonderful blessing for which we are grateful, neither my husband nor I would describe the day of her birth as the best day of our life. Far from it. That day and the months that followed were tough and have left long lasting scars on all of us.
For me, that has been a long battle with postnatal PTSD and postnatal depression following a traumatic birth, a stint in neonatal, months of feeding issues, months of reflux, and a wall of deaf ears in the NHS when I raised concerns about my daughter and again when I raised concerns about my mental health. Those are stories for another day, today I simply wanted to share my experience of the impact that becoming a parent has had on me and to share the message that this parenting lark is bloody hard and it’s ok to find it tough. It’s ok to find it overwhelming. It’s ok to ask for help. And it’s “ok to not be ok”.
Now, 21 months into my journey as a mother, I am better able to look back and reflect on these experiences. It has been the most challenging period in my life but one that has left me wiser and stronger – and wanting to share my story and information about some of the issues I have faced so that I can help others, offer support, and try to make a difference. I found writing helpful and cathartic while I was dealing with PTSD and depression so I have decided to write a blog, partly for my own benefit but also for the reasons I've already shared. So, over the coming months watch this space as I share my experiences, tackle some relevant issues and invite others to share their journeys in the crazy world of parenthood.
21 months in I am also able to reflect on my journey with a sense of humour and a good dose of “not taking yourself too seriously”. If you take a stroll through any baby shop or department, not only is it rammed full of these lovely, happy family images I mentioned earlier, designed to suck you into buying their products, it’s also full of rainbows and unicorns. Everywhere you go there’s a unicorn grinning at you over the top of a rainbow. It’s as if unicorns have become the modern-day version of the stork. But if you ask me, I’m not too convinced by this unicorn dude. Certainly, the unicorn that came to our house didn’t come cantering gracefully over the rainbow with my precious bundle, it came tumbling and sliding down the rainbow crash-landing in a messy heap at the bottom. With a bit of a dodgy stomach too, for it sprayed shit all over the place - and let me tell you, unicorn poo ain’t made of glitter and sparkles! But then, maybe that’s why I was sent that particular unicorn? Maybe the unicorn distribution centre thought that, as someone with Crohn’s Disease, I would understand and have some empathy for this poor little unicorn and its tummy troubles? Maybe they felt that I had the strength to cope with it, I’ve had the strength to achieve success in life despite a chronic health condition so I could handle this? Or maybe I've just fallen for the modern-day marketing tricks and I've been sucked in by a new-style image for what it’s like to be a parent and my expectations were a little different to reality…?
(Cover photo (also below) of a couple of unicorns that make me smile :) #megansslippers)
